How much do you try to work harder, to do more, when things just aren’t going your way? I used to do that a lot, especially a few years ago when everything felt stuck. My mind was always thinking, “What more can I do? What else can I try?” And the more I tried, the more I got stuck. Yesterday, I had another project cancelled, and I was like, “Hmm… okay, seems like the cleanup is pretty thorough.” And while I tried to look at it with some curiosity, I have to admit, it really shook me a little too. The company wasn’t one I particularly wanted to work with, but since my friend asked me to pitch my concept, I did. Trust your intuition, right? Honestly, I don’t really want to work with that company, but I didn’t have the guts to say no. Definitely something I need to work on more. I should cancel things from the start if I feel they’re not the right fit for me

So, there I was, in this reflective space, thinking, “What do I do now?” Is this the moment to get stressed out again, like, “Oh my god, what will happen to me? How will I manage?” I’m really trying to stay in this calm, trusting space, though. I get what’s going on around me – I’m moving away from all the crap and nonsense. I’ve been doing a lot of inner clearing lately, and it feels good to see the results. But it also made me realize that I’ve been holding on to some version of HOW I think I’m supposed to get somewhere – or how I think I’m supposed to get myself to the place I want to be. Honestly, I look at this year with a lot of disappointment, no, huge disappointment. I didn’t get what I wanted. The goal I set for myself didn’t happen. I did my part, I put in the work, but it just didn’t fall into place. I’ve always had a clear vision of where I want to be – it’s been in front of me, in my meditations, in my dreams. But the how? I still can’t see how it will all come together.

I know this goes against all the strategy-making and planning ahead. There’s that whole “Keep the vision, trust the process” thing. But honestly, I always say the process sucks. For me, it really boils down to really trusting the process. Understanding that you might not be where you want to be, but you’re exactly where you need to be. It’s like having this supportive voice in my head saying, “Trust us, we’ll get you there. Don’t worry.” For years, I’ve been stuck in this energy of trying harder, working harder, stressing, doing more – when all I really want is to flow. I want to be one with the water and understand that, no matter how rough the sea gets, I’m still headed to that place I see in my vision. Letting go of my idea of how I’m supposed to get there. And fallowing more my inner guidance and intuition when taking action.

Aside from all the crap with cancellations, there have been some good things too. I realized that the friend my landlord sent to help me with a household machine earlier on was a famous film producer. He was really kind and helpful. And, sorry, I don’t know all people by their faces, but I happened to stop by their office, and when he came out, I kind of put things together. I was like, “Okay… that’s interesting.” I don’t believe in coincidences. It felt like when I saw a well-known bank owner walking through the streets of my hometown, Tartu, with his son this summer. I had the same feeling: “Okay, this is interesting.” I know somehow they will be a part of my life later.

Another good thing was that I gave an interview to the business newspaper Äripäev. They were interviewing leaders to gather information for their upcoming conference topics. And when I walked out of their office, I was honestly pretty impressed with myself – thinking, “Damn, Kadi, that was a smart talk. So proud of you!” I also heard that women are less confident and less willing to speak at conferences. And I was like, “What a nonsense!” We talk all the time about supporting women entrepreneurs, getting their businesses off the ground, and then when the chance to share knowledge comes up, they hesitate? I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. Sure, my legs might shake a little, and my speech could use some work, but I’ll definitely grab that opportunity when it comes. I truly believe that life doesn’t give us opportunities unless we’re ready for them. It’s usually our own minds that talk us out of it.

So, overall, yes, it’s interesting to see how everything’s unfolding. I’m just sitting here in my rolling chair, seeing where the wind takes me. And that’s the only “trying” I’m doing, or at-least I try, LOL